Chapter Text
Cal half expected to wake to the low vibration of the engine. That was not the case, the ship disconcertingly still. He didn’t know what time it was, but he was willing to bet it was early. It would take more than a week of decent rest to fix his sleep schedule after years of waking up before dawn. Careful of his ribs, he sat up and rubbed the remnants of sleep from his eyes. BD was still sat charging on the workbench on standby mode. He wouldn’t wake up for another couple of hours yet, and Cal didn’t need him right now so left him to it.
Stepping out of the engine room, he was greeted by the dim overhead lights of the ship’s night cycle. Very early in the morning then. He padded through the ship to the common area, the blue light of early dawn bathing the room. He didn’t stop on his way through, throwing up a flimsy mental shield against the worst of the echoes as he went over to the door controls.
The ramp lowered and the door opened, a cool breeze blowing into the ship. Cal headed a little way down the ramp, sitting at the end of it. This side of the ship faced the rising suns, the edge of the horizon alight with an orange glow as the first sun rose. The world around him was still, the air cool and damp. Dew gathered on the grass where insects chirped, filling the air with their song.
Tentatively, he reached out to the Force, testing the waters. It too was calm, flowing gently like a stream, connecting him to his surroundings. Unlike yesterday, he did not try to meditate or deepen the connection. This close to the ship he needed to play it safe, but he was content to wrap it around himself like a blanket. He’d missed it these last few years, an absence he’d felt keenly early on before it had scabbed over, and he’d shoved the memory of it deep down. Now that he’d connected with it again he never wanted to be without it.
He sat on the ramp for a long time, watching as the twinned suns crept higher into the sky, painting the clouds brilliant shades of gold and orange. There was a third sun yet to rise, but Cal knew it wouldn’t appear for quite some time yet. It was the wrong time of year for all three to rise at the same time. Maybe he’d be able to come back and see it one day.
The door behind him opened with a quiet hiss, pulling Cal from his thoughts. He couldn’t sense anyone behind him, but the footsteps coming down the ramp told him it must be Cere. Now that he was paying attention, there was a disconcerting void in the Force where her presence should be. “I hoped I’d find you out here,” she said as she came down to stand beside him. “What are you doing out here?”
“We don’t have sunrises that often on Bracca. The clouds just go from black to grey. I wanted to see it before we left.” From what Cere had said last night, Zeffo was a rocky planet with frequent storms, not unlike Bracca. He doubted he’d see much of the sun there either.
Cere hummed softly. “You’ll get to see a few more here yet.”
Cal took his eyes off the horizon to look up at her. “We’re not leaving today?”
“The Empire has some kind of ongoing operation on Zeffo. I want to do some more digging so we know what to expect. It’ll take another couple of days at least. Maybe more.”
“Don’t see why you can’t do that on the way,” he muttered, turning back to the horizon.
“Are you in a hurry to leave?” she asked, not unkindly.
“No, I… doesn’t matter.” He wrapped his arms across his chest, ignoring the ache in his chest. “What am I supposed to do in the meantime?”
“You could try to take it easy, get some rest.”
“Ugh, that’s all I’ve been doing since you rescued me.” He was already on the brink of mind numbing boredom. If he had to spend one more day trapped on the Mantis he might just snap.
“Fair enough,” she laughed lightly. “Since I can’t make you do anything, feel free to explore if that’s more your speed. Take BD-1 with you. I bet he has some interesting things to show you.” Now that he could get on board with. He’d have to be careful because of his still healing injuries, but there wasn’t too much danger around and if he was aimlessly wandering around he could probably avoid climbing altogether. His ribs were not happy with him after yesterday’s exertion.
“Greez will be up soon,” Cere said as she headed back up the ramp. “Breakfast will probably be about half an hour.”
Cal gave an absent hum, his gaze fixed once more on the sunrise. He wasn’t hungry but the Latero kept insisting he at least try to eat something at meal times. Maybe if he headed out before he appeared he could avoid harassment. A few minutes after Cere left, Cal got up and headed back to the engine room.
BD finished charging not long after Cal got dressed, greeting him with an excited beep. He hadn’t been able to charge that quickly in a very long time and was now good to go for at least a week. “That’s great buddy,” he said, patting his head. “We’re going to be sticking around Bogano for a little longer so I was thinking we could go exploring, get away from the ship while we can.” BD gave an enthusiastic whistle before hopping onto Cal’s shoulder, telling him about some of the places they could go.
Cal’s plan to avoid Greez very nearly succeeded. He’d almost made it to the door when Greez came in to the common area. “Morning Cal,” he said, heading for the kitchen.
“Caught in the act.”
“Uh, morning,” he replied over his shoulder. Maybe if he was quick enough he could slip outside before it was too late.
“Woah, where do you think you’re going?” Greez asked, stopping him in his tracks.
“Out?” he said, hand half-raised to the controls.
“Have you eaten already?”
“No.”
“N- yeah.” Even to his own ears it sounded more like a question.
“Sure you did.” He folded both pairs of arms, narrowing his eyes. “Sit your ass down kid.”
“I’m not hungry.”
Greez somehow managed to scowl at him harder, flicking an ear. “My great grandma taught me that everyone should have three square meals a day and I’ve never known her to be wrong.”
Cal shrugged helplessly. “You’re just wasting food on me. It doesn’t matter what you make, I won’t be able to eat it.”
“You don’t like my food or something?” he asked, a slight edge of hurt to the words.
“No! It’s great, really,” he said quickly, afraid he’d accidentally offended him. Greez’s food was amazing; Cal was the problem. “It’s just… too much, I guess. Makes me feel ill. I’ve gotten used to getting by on maybe two ration bars a day and some polystarch if I can afford it. Not... actual food.”
The fight drained from Greez, his folded arms dropping. “Fine. You gonna come back for lunch?”
“Probably not.” He’d settled into a rhythm of only eating dinner, and even that was often a struggle.
“Wait there. Don’t go anywhere,” he said, turning to rummage through various cabinets. Cal did as he was told, standing in the middle of the deck while Greez puttered about. BD shifted on his shoulder, trying to get a better look at what he was up to, but he was mostly hidden behind the table. He briefly left for the cabins, returning a moment later with a small pack. “Here, take this,” he said when he was done, placing the pack on the table.
“What’s in it?” he asked as he leaned over the sofa to grab it.
“Just a few things in case you change your mind. You’re not leaving without it, you hear me.”
“I hear you,” he said, shouldering the pack as he headed for the door. “Thanks Greez.”
“Don’t mention it. You be careful out there, alright kid.”
“Aye-aye captain,” he said, giving a lazy two-fingered salute as he stepped outside.
Cal had to admit, it was nice having the chance to explore for the sake of it. There was no purpose to where he went, no goal to achieve. He happily followed BD when his new friend led him, going from one thing to the next at their own sedate pace. They wound their way through some of the outer buildings and lesser used tunnels, stopping whenever BD wanted to show him something. Most of it of it wasn’t all that interesting unless you were an explorer droid, but Cal enjoyed seeing what he had to share nonetheless.
They carefully avoided the main areas where Cordova had lived. Cal wasn’t too keen on brushing against those echoes, but the ones further out were sparse and tended to be weaker. When the voices called him to bear witness he didn’t put up much of a fight. He was curious about the man who had set him on his current path, and these ones weren’t likely to be too personal. He didn’t get much from them, just an unshakable belief in what Cordova had been doing here with an ever-present undercurrent of loneliness.
Despite taking it slow, Cal still needed to rest around midday. The third sun had finally risen in the clear blue sky when he and BD made their way up to a grassy plateau. The Vault dominated the landscape, the only defining feature as the rest of the buildings were hidden behind the cliffs jutting up from the deep canyons. Even the Mantis with its enormous fin was obscured from view. Cal could believe he and BD-1 were the only sentient beings here. The Mantis could be gone and he’d be none the wiser.
He was struck yet again by just how isolated Bogano was. He hadn’t ever thought a place like it could even exist. It was the complete opposite of Bracca with its pollution and overcrowding. He’d rarely allowed himself to entertain the thought of leaving one day, but when he did, he envisioned himself heading to some dirty backwater town in the outer rim where the Empire’s grip wasn’t as strong. He had the skills of a scrapper, so that’s what he’d keep doing. He’d sometimes thought about becoming a mechanic, fixing up speeders and old droids. He had plenty of practice tinkering with Bracca’s scrap, mending things to sell for a few extra credits on the side, though he rarely had the time or energy most day. He’d never once thought he’d end up at a place like this, untouched and green.
With a contented sigh, he sat in the long grass while BD scanned a purple flower nearby. Despite the three suns in the sky, the temperature was pleasant. He rolled his sleeves up, letting the sunlight warm his pale skin. A cool breeze ruffled his hair, the grass swaying around him. The ground was dryer today so he didn’t have to worry about muddy water seeping through his trousers. He didn’t want to ruin his new clothes so soon after buying them by dragging them though the mud, so he’d worn his scrapper gear. It was ideal for exploring with its thick, reinforced padding and water resistant coating. It wouldn’t hold up to full immersion in water, but it was good enough to stand up to a shallow puddle.
BD seemed content to keep making scans, though to Cal it looked like he was trying to map every blade of grass. Maybe he was. Who was Cal to know the inner workings of a droid made to catalogue. While he did that, Cal searched the ground for a decently sized rock. He’d remembered how to use the Force to run along walls, something he’d never thought he’d get back. Maybe if he tried hard enough he could regain other lost abilities.
He spotted a stone about the size of his fist, half buried in the dirt. After a bit of digging, he wiggled it free and set it down in front of him. He stared at it, trying to recall his lessons on moving things with the Force. It wasn’t an ability that had come naturally to him, causing him no end of frustration. If he could just remember how he’d done it before…
He called on the Force, picturing in his mind the rock rising from the ground. Nothing happened, not even a wobble. Trying to not let it get to him, he gave it another go. And again, and again. The rock remained stationary no matter what he tried or how much he concentrated. It was like that aspect of the Force was blocked to him, a solid wall he couldn’t get through. With a frustrated sigh, he kicked the rock away.
“Useless.”
BD broke from his latest scan and whistled, asking if he was alright. “Yeah, fine,” he grumbled. He shouldn’t snap at his friend; it wasn’t his fault Cal was broken. “I can’t use the Force like I used to, but the others are counting on me. This whole mission to rebuild the Order will be pointless if I can’t even make a stupid rock float.”
For what it was worth, BD hadn’t seen anyone run along a vertical surface before so he must be doing something right. “I guess,” he said affectionately, patting his head. He was well aware that BD had no memories of anyone else. “I bet Master Cordova could do it easily,” he said bitterly.
Perhaps, BD admitted, but wasn’t it a little unfair for Cal to compare himself to a Jedi Master with decades of experience. “Maybe,” he grumbled under his breath, grabbing the pack from where he’d dumped it earlier. He wasn’t really interested in it, but he needed a distraction before his thoughts started spiralling.
He hadn’t checked what Greez had sent him off with, but it was mostly an assortment of small packets and a slightly squashed sandwich. He couldn’t tell what the filling was but it didn’t look particularly appetising, something dark and sticky oozing out the sides. He almost put it straight back in the pack but he couldn’t help but feel a little bad about it. If he didn’t eat it then it would likely go straight in the trash. Wasting food had never sat well with him. He’d gone too many days without anything just to keep a roof over his head, wishing he had enough credits for even one ration bar. Greez didn’t have to make it for him, but he had anyway.
Deciding to at least try it, Cal unwrapped the thin plastic from the sandwich. Before he could so much as sniff it BD was scanning it. Cal held it out for him to get a better look. Whatever results he found he kept to himself, settling down beside Cal in the grass when he was done without so much as a beep. Cal distracted himself a little longer by experimentally squishing one corner, watching as the sticky brownish filling oozed out. It wasn’t the most appetising thing he’d seen, but there was no reason he couldn’t give it a go.
He felt ridiculous having to psych himself up to take a bite. It was an odd balance of savoury and sweet, leaving a oily residue on his tongue. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t exactly enjoyable either. He chewed for a long time before swallowing, briefly contemplating just spitting it out. When nothing bad happened, he took another bite. As much as he hated to admit it, Greez was right. If he was going to go up against the Empire, he’d need more energy than half a meal and a couple of ration bars a day could give him.
It wasn’t like scrapping was easy work, but a lot of it involved staying in one place for a long time, cutting and dismantling in one area once he’d climbed his way up. Fighting was a different kind of exertion, and he couldn’t rely on the Force to keep himself alive like last time. His connection was still weak, and counting on adrenaline and sheer terror was a good way to get killed.
With very little in the way of an appetite, eating was a struggle and took longer than it really should. But eventually he finished the sandwich and tried to convince himself he felt better for it. Mostly he just felt nauseous, the idea of trying any of the other things Greez had given him turning his stomach. Those at least would keep for another day. He shoved the scattered snacks back into the bag along with the plastic wrap and tossed the whole thing aside.
To distract himself from the nausea, he took a few deep breaths and picked at the blades of grass. There wasn’t much else to do out here other than head back down to Cordova’s workshop but he didn’t want to go back inside just yet. After so many years living under the constant cover of cloud, it was a luxury to be able to just sit in the grass and enjoy it. He would miss Bogano when it came time to leave. Maybe, if this mission succeeded and they came out of it alive, they could rebuild the Jedi Order right here. It was hidden from the Empire and already had plenty of infrastructure built, even if it did need some maintenance.
The warmth of the suns on his skin and the sound of the grass swaying in the breeze gradually lulled him into a sense of peace. He let his eyes close, tilting his head up to the sky as he tentatively reached out to the Force. He wasn’t foolish enough to try to meditate properly, not with BD-1 so close. But he could connect to it in other ways. Instead of sinking into it and losing himself, he pulled it around himself like he had that morning. He allowed his consciousness to expand just enough to feel the Force flowing through his surroundings but no further. Every living thing in his vicinity became a point of light in his mind, an expansive field of life encompassing him.
“Get away! You’ll only mess it up,” a voice said, doubt seeping in through the admittedly large cracks. Cal sighed. He’d been having such a quiet day. The voices had mostly stuck to banal observations and comments throughout the morning while he wandered. Easily ignored. The peace could never last though.
“It’s easy to break things. Much harder to put them back together.”
Before they began to snowball, Cal pictured a door in his mind, shoved the voices through, and forcefully closed it. They still whispered in the back of his mind, but as long as he focused on the Force he hoped to stay in control. He couldn’t let them win, not when so much was resting on his shoulders. The future of the Order depended on him being able to not let the voices win.
“You can’t get rid of me that easily,” they snarled, breaking through his feeble defences.
“Stop it,” he said through gritted teeth. Shoving them back through the door wasn’t working. They kept coming in through the cracks like poison gas. Suffocating. Choking.
“Look at what you’ve done,” they hissed as visions of Master Tapal dying in front of him flooded his mind. “This is your fault.”
“No!” he cried, ripping himself back to reality. He blinked several times, trying to get his bearings while his heart pounded against his ribs. He wasn’t there, backed into a corner, familiar blasters pointed at him, his master dying. BD bumped his head into Cal’s side, giving a worried beep. Cal rested his trembling hand on his head, cool metal helping to keep him grounded.
“Damn it,” he hissed, scrubbing away the tears before they could fall with his sleeve. He’d hoped if he stayed on the surface of the Force it would be better. Maybe it was. The backlash wasn’t as intense as yesterday, but still enough to leave him rattled. The grass around him still danced in the breeze so there was that he supposed. Small improvements, but it wasn’t good enough. How was he supposed to help rebuild the Order if he couldn’t even meditate.
“We should go soon,” he said, no longer wanting to sit with his thoughts. BD gave a concerned whistle. “I’ll be alright.” Still shaking, he grabbed his pack and headed back down into the labyrinth of tunnels below.
Cal didn’t return to the Mantis until long after the third sun had set. The sky above was dark and nearly cloudless. He’d meant to return sooner, but he’d gotten distracted by the stars shining above; another rare sight on Bracca. Sure he’d seen them when they stopped at the station, but it was a different experience altogether while planetside, gazing up at the lights twinkling through the atmosphere, each one a distant Sun. He didn’t recognise any of the constellations, but he hadn’t expected to, not this far away from the Core. He couldn’t help but wonder if any of them were home to other surviving Jedi, scattered and in hiding, waiting for some kind of signal.
When he did finally make it back to the Mantis, he found Cere waiting on the ramp for him. “I was beginning to worry something had happened,” she said, her tone clipped.
“Sorry.”
“It’s alright, but maybe tomorrow you should take a comm with you. Just in case something does happen.” BD piped up to say that he could always come and get help if Cal needed it. “Be that as it may, sometimes you might not be able to leave him. Better safe than sorry. Come on, Greez made dinner.” She nodded her head to the door, turning to head inside the ship.
“We’re not leaving?” Cal asked, following up the ramp.
“Not yet, no.”
“How come? There can’t be that much more info on Zeffo. It’s going to take us a few days to get there anyway.”
“Two reasons Cal. One, the Empire doesn’t know what we’re up to yet. As far as they know we’re just a ship who helped a Jedi escape on Bracca. Treasonous, but not dangerous. The second is that we’re safe here. No one can find us. But as soon as we arrive on Zeffo there’s a very good chance we’ll be recognised and they’ll start tracking us more closely. I have no idea where Cordova’s path will take us, so it’s best if we take the chance to rest while we can. There’s no point sending you out on a mission with broken ribs when we have plenty of time for you to heal.”
“You broke your ribs?” Greez asked from the galley, ladle frozen in the air on its way to an empty bowl.
“Happened on Bracca. No big deal,” he said, shrugging with a wince. As much as he hated the thought of having to sit idle until Cere deemed him ready, he couldn’t deny her logic. There was no point in throwing himself into a fight when the odds were already against him. Better to wait until the pain went away. One less thing to have to manage.
“You’ll need all the help you can get.”
“Was that before we rescued you?” Greez asked, breaking out of his shock to remember he was supposed to be serving their dinner.
“During,” Cal said taking the seat at the end of the kitchen table. “I fell a few times, but like I said, it’s nothing. I’ve worked with worse.”
A stunned silence fell within the ship, almost reverberating in the Force. “What?” he said when Cere refused to meet his eyes.
“How much worse are we talking?” Greez asked nervously as he handed out the bowls, filled with some kind of meat, beans and small cubes of vegetables, a smoky aroma rising with the steam.
Cal mulled the question over for a moment. There had been plenty of incidents, both in the shipbreaking yard and in the city itself. “Well, there was that one time I fell through the floor of a Venator,” he began, deciding on one of the less gruesome injuries he’d sustained, poking at the food with his spoon. It was too hot to eat just yet, which was just as well since he wasn’t sure he was hungry.
“Must’ve been about three years ago now? The floor had rusted to nothing, but the lights hadn’t been set up inside yet so I didn’t notice. I fell right through and landed a couple decks below. I broke three ribs where I landed,” he said, pointing along his right side.
“And you worked like that?”
“Oh, yeah. We were on a tight schedule at the time to clear the yard for another incoming ship which meant back to back shifts until the job was done. This was back when a shift was only eight hours. We had to keep going until the job was done or we passed out.”
Greez was already wincing before he asked his next question. “Only eight hours? How long did it get?”
“First they upped it to ten hours, then twelve. Now it can be up to sixteen hours in one shift. Doubles can last a full day.”
“Is that legal?” he asked, outraged.
“Sure. It’s not like the Empire gives a sh*t. They only care that the remains of the Republic are gone, not how it gets done.”
“Try it now. It’s a little cooler.”
Feeling brave, he shoved a spoonful of the food in his mouth. As with most of Greez’s cooking, it tasted amazing. He only wished he was able to stomach the whole thing instead of picking at it. “That still wasn’t as bad as that time someone pushed me off the top of an Acclimator.”
“Someone pushed you off an Acclimator?” Cere repeated like she wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly, staring at him with wide eyes.
“Yeah, that was a few months earlier. Karking hurt like hell, but I was mostly pissed off about the fact that it didn’t even have anything to do with me. My friend Tabbers had managed to piss the guy off, and since no one could beat Tabbers in a fight, I guess he thought he could get payback by killing me. He waited until I was working above the Maw and everything. Was probably hoping I’d fall right in so there wouldn’t be a body left to find, but the idiot forgot I had a safety line, so I was left dangling about half way down to the ground. Which would have been fine, but then he cut the line and I fell the rest of the way. Wasn’t enough to kill me but I broke my ribs and my arm, which meant I couldn’t work for a week.”
“Just one week?” Greez asked.
Cal shrugged, taking another bite. “I was only off that long because I couldn’t move my arm at all, but even that was too long. I could barely afford rent for the next two months since I was so behind. The only upside was that Tabbers knew who did it so he got demoted to hazmat and I never saw him again. He’s probably dead by now.”
“They didn’t pay you while you were recovering?” Cere asked, resolutely ignoring the last comment.
Cal scoffed. “As if. The guild doesn’t give handouts. You have to work to get paid, simple as that.” He took another bite of his food, chewing it slowly.
Neither Greez nor Cere said anything else, both picking at their food rather than eating it. That stifling silence had returned, awkward and heavy. “I f*cked that up, didn’t I.”
After several long seconds, Cere cleared her throat. “Did you find anything interesting in Cordova’s workshop?”
“Not really,” he said, grateful for the change in conversation. Some of the tension eased up, but a cloud still hung over them. “We only went around the outer buildings today. Not much there except spare parts and a back-up generator.”
“I doubted you’d find anything. If it was important, he would have taken it with him.”
“Where do you think he went?”
“I’m not sure. I last heard from him before the Clone Wars. He didn’t say where he was going.”
“Do you think he survived the Purge?”
“I don’t know. I’d like to think so, but if he was found I’m not sure he would have survived.”
“Okay, new rule,” Greez announced. “No talk about depressing stuff at meal times. You can do that on your own time when I don’t have to listen to it.”
That rubbed Cal the wrong way. He’d just been trying to talk a little about himself. It wasn’t his fault Greez probably considered his entire life depressing. Those incidents on Bracca weren’t even the worst ones by a long shot. “Fine,” he said, stabbing at a chunk of meat, watching as it split. If Greez wanted to ban talk of things that upset him then he could go right on ahead. It just meant there was very little Cal could talk about.
He ate what he could of his food in silence, tension hanging heavy in the air. If Cere and Greez said much, he didn’t notice, stuck listening to the now agitated voices. They nagged at him, trying to rile him up. All he could do was sit there and try not to react. Cere might know he could hear things now, but that didn’t mean he wanted to give her a demonstration. Eventually he had enough and excused himself, retreating to the engine room.
He sat heavily on the bed, BD hopping up beside him. Away from the influence of the ship’s echoes his head cleared a little. He let out a weary sigh. What use was he going to be when he couldn’t even handle getting a little irritated. BD asked if he was alright since he’d been so quiet at dinner.
“Yeah, I’ll be alright. Just found another thing I’ve got to work on along with everything else I guess.” Whatever it is, BD chirped, he’ll figure it out. Cal gave him a tired smile. “Thanks buddy.”
